Wednesday, December 17, 2014

What's my purpose?

God's journey for me
    I look back at life now and realize everything happens for a reason.  I've realized we may not like what has happened but we have no remote control over it in reality.  We are all on a set path with many unexpected twists and turns.  We have no real way of nowing where we're headed or how life is going to turn out.  We may think we do but we really don't.  I say now that I'm going to be a chiropractor and attend UNO but something may happen to where I have to take a year off or I just don't like the idea of being a chiropractor.  My chiropractor and I always joked about me taking over his business some day.  I still have yet to figure out whether he's serious or not.  In someways, I sure hope he was but in others I kind of don't want to come back to small town Aurora, Nebraska.  I'm not saying I don't love it here but I want to find a place where it really feels like home.  And I don't feel it's home here.  My purpose, I feel, is to let this journey of life take me where it may and help me understand myself. 
    I have hopes and dreams, yes, but I know that they all aren't going to come true.  I just want to be happy in the end of my life.  I want to be one of those people when I'm old that can say they have no regrets with how their life turned out.  I know if I just live my life the way I want to live it I won't have any regrets.  I know my purpose is to make something of myself, at least in my parents eyes.  Which I fully intend to do.  I plan to attend UNO and then go on to chiropractic school at Palmer in Davenport.  But you never know I may change my career path back to wanting to be a dentist... doubtful.  I only say that because I'm pretty set in stone in what I want to do with my life.  When I told my mom I decided I'd rather be a chiropractor, she didn't believe me for a second.  I then proceeded to tell her that every time I even see a little blood I instantly get nauseous.  So, all in all, I'm not about to be a dentist.  Nope, not gonna happen.  Can't do it.  She luckily didn't try and convince me otherwise.  Phew!
     My purpose is just something I don't really know how to explain.  It's like it's my unknown future.  What do I hope is my future?  I hope to be a wonderful, understanding mom.  A wife who does unexpected things for her husband that loves her with all his heart.  I want to be doing something I extremely love with my life.  I'll discover all these things in the next chapter of my life which is college.  Yes, if I have any real say in what happens in my life these will all go my way.  But, not everything in life goes YOUR way.  You may be taking some detours based on the judgement of your parents, your adjusted judgement, or God's judgement.  I just know I'm not going to sit back and complain how my life is going if it's the way God wants it to be.
    Purpose itself can be defined differently by everyone.  Some people define it is as current, others as future, or some may even say it's whatever.  I say it's the plan God has instilled for us that we have no idea how it's going to end up.  I've really started believing in God's plan after Jager left and went up to God's home.  I looked too far into the future and wished for too much.  This is why I had such a hard time with Jager's passing.  I had so much planned that I could've never known would actually happen.  I hit rock bottom in all honesty.  My world was shattered.  I had came to the conclusion that life was never going to get better. After, I went on my mission trip to Minnesota, I came to terms with Jager's death and built up my relationship with God. I have broaden my horizons and accepted life for how it comes

1 comment:

  1. Shelbie,

    I think you'll make a great chiropractor, but I also think you are such a realist because, yes, things can change in the blink of an eye, and you are wise enough to know that. But whatever you decide to do, you will do it with passion and that is the best we can do!

    Dr. English